July 1st – Independence Day had a new meaning this year. I am husband and dog free for a week for the first time since we got married. As Scott showered in preparation for his trip to Batchawana with Mom and Sis, I found myself getting emotional. Not so much that I will miss him over the next few days but because I realize how much I miss the man he was six months ago. I miss our near fairy tale predictable life. Months of his extreme pain and the need to medicate for pain every two hours around the clock has stressed us both. He has had much better days with the Jakafi but is still struggling to learn how to manage his energy and time. While it would be nice to be able to just hang out together as we wait, duty still calls me. His life has come to a skidding halt; but my daily obligations continue and we both struggle with that. Thankfully my days with at my full-time job are numbered. I’m working in a training capacity for another month and officially retiring on August 5th.

I’m glad that it’s working out so that he can go back to his comfort place. He tells me he will enjoy a break from me and sadly I know he means it. More than anything he needs to feel like he can manage – on his own. He needs to get away from the sights and sounds of the farm so he isn’t reminded that he’s not contributing. The break will be a chance for me to recharge before we head into the most challenging thing either of us have ever done. I’ll join him at the cabin at the end of the week for a few days together with Luke and Alli. Hopefully when we get back, we will have an official transplant date and be ready to hit this thing head on – together. More rested and relaxed than we have been in months.