Fueled with a little attitude adjustment this past weekend, I felt the writing bug feeding me a story or two; something I feared I might never feel again.  So many thoughts and ideas flooded my mind; most of them evaporated by the time we finished our joy ride but I’ll do my best to pass along a few updates.     

A year after leaving my full-time job as an ag loan officer, I’m still far from being retired.  Owning a small store/restaurant like I have is more than a full-time job in itself.  Scott’s feeling much better these days and we recently enjoyed ten days away, a visit to the annual canoe trip in Lake City and then a week at the family cabin in Canada.  Scott’s son joined us without his wife as she is expecting in August.  Smart man; decided to do his “Baby Moon” single.  Scott’s daughter and husband came with their four-legged child and we came with only memories of our wonder dog Zeus.  I haven’t written since losing him, but not a day goes by that we don’t think of our big lovable Boxer. 

Other than a 2-4 mile hike up a mountain/hill on a mosquito infested trail, it was a pretty chill trip.  The length of the trip varies by who you ask and when.  I sucked it up and made it; figuring if Scott could then I could too.  I’m pretty sure that was the same thing that kept Scott going too; only in reverse.  Fishing was great and the weather was comfortable. 

Unfortunately, we weren’t even unpacked before shit hit the proverbial fan at the store and I was picking up the pieces.  Now its weekdays working on books, banking, payroll, scheduling and shopping and being on the schedule for the closing shift each weeknight.  Feeling like I don’t want to make the difficult changes necessary when they are telling me that closing is still on track for the beginning of October.  All we can do is hope they are right.    

Scott seems to have adjusted to his forced retirement a little better than expected.  It helps that his body has helped limit his energy so he’s able to work in the pole barn on his projects in small increments and nap whenever he wants and repeat.  He tends to rise between 5 a.m. and 7 a.m. and likes to take a walk soon after he wakes.  When possible, I would rather sleep in until 7 a.m. to 8 a.m. and play Wordle and watch the weather and local news.  In my pajamas.  The last thing I want to do is wake up and start walking.  That would likely require dressing.  Particularly when some days I spend three plus hours grocery shopping then another three to six hours on my feet working.  Hard pass on the walk at 7 a.m.

 One minute he’s a social butterfly; flitting around from one breakfast or lunch date to the next.  Both glad to see people and glad to have his taste buds returning almost normal.  Yet get to the end of the day and he’s too tired to go to the party I want to go to.  Still a little leery of crowds with no immunity.  Next month he can start getting his childhood shots.  I’m still adjusting to his new personality; or trying at least. 

People ask what I mean by that.  First of all, it’s an adjustment to just have him feeling good and not working.  Example, this past Saturday; Scott was in the middle of what I assumed was breakfast for us, frying bacon, when he got a call from his brother Steve.  Next thing I know, he’s heading out the drive with Steve; off to breakfast.  Left in the dust to finish making my own breakfast.   Or we discuss our plans for the day and he tells me he’s right behind me; so, I head up to the store to start on a project.  Two hours later, I text “WTH?”.  Oops, someone called and wanted to go to breakfast.  Or I come home and there’s no sign of him.  Gone to lunch and didn’t leave a note or text.   His phone is on the counter; at least that didn’t change.  It’s hard not to worry even though he has been feeling great.  He leaves for a walk without his phone and is gone for an hour.  Oops, I was talking to every neighbor that would listen.  It’s all good; it just takes some adjustment.        

Even with the difficulty scheduling at the store, I do everything possible to avoid working Saturday nights.  This past week, I ended up back at home just before 2 p.m.  Scott was in the pole barn climbing ladders and doing things he probably shouldn’t be doing, clearly busy.  You can’t tell a grown man with a second chance at life what to do; believe me, I’ve tried.  The new Scott is a little more vocal than the original version.  So, best to just move on and figure out what to do with the rest of my day.  A rare afternoon and evening free of obligations.  The first in what has probably been a month of fully committed days.  Sure, I have lots of work I could do but it’s Saturday afternoon for gosh sakes.   Time to do whatever I want to do; and it can’t be work.  Sadly, I have no idea where to begin. 

I started with dipping the stale rain water out of the hot tub since I could do it in my bathing suit.  Afterall, it’s late July and over 85 degrees out.  I look for and successfully rescue 5 butterfly larva and pull weeds in one of my many neglected flower beds.  Still only 5 p.m.  I visit Scott out in the barn, now working on making a dust collector for his miter saw.  Guess I’ll go play a little June’s Journey on my tablet.  If this is what retirement is like, this is going to make for some painfully long days.  Three hours of self-imposed free time and I’m over it already.  With all the buzz and excitement about retirement, I now see it being borderline traumatic.  No wonder people pass away within days of their retirement; they’re lost or scared to death; literally. 

After a life-time of what was almost constant multi-tasking; I’m already contemplating taking a job for a few years; just because I really can’t grasp the idea of living potentially 30 years while not working.  I can really see how so many retirees seem to party all the time; one, because they can of course, and two; to numb themselves enough to not feel guilty for not doing something critical every day.  Not pushing papers or making parts to make the world go round, no feeding the people or churning the almighty dollar. 

Not to say that enjoying time with friends and family isn’t important, but most of us find ourselves squeezing it in between all our “must dos”.  I’m not sure I’m ready to have nothing on the calendar but social events and doctors’ appointments.  With so many friends and family members living an hour or more away, I almost dread the time that will have to be spent commuting to do all the things we’ve worked our whole lives to have time to enjoy.   Never-ending back yard barbeques, dinners out, vacations and fun with the grandkids.

We will see what retirement brings.  Hopefully the sale of the store keeps moving along and we are free by the end of the year.  Until then, it’s one foot in and one foot out. For now, I’ll have to settle for counting down the number of days that I will still be walking around smelling like fried chicken and potato wedges.