This week marks what will be Scott’s first birthday – August 17^th – one year since his life-saving stem cell transplant.  Followed by six weeks of living at C S Mott Children’s Hospital.  Living in a series of home-away-from-home locations; in a bubble with social media as our communicator to the outside world. 

So many people reached out to us over the past year that we can’t begin to thank everyone for all their thoughts and prayers and gifts of support.   Just know it was all appreciated and kept us going.  Scott is so thankful for being free from pain.  The after-care at U of M has been awesome; we love the Nurse Practitioner assigned to him.  Kari does a great job.  He still takes 12 pills a day but that’s down drastically from 40.  Luckily his stomach handles it without issue. 

On the other hand, I’m still holding on to my goal of making it to 60 without taking any prescription medications.  I had to break down and pick up Omeprazole from Sam’s on Friday.  Heartburn is burning holes in my sails lately.  If I wasn’t so cheap, I would invest in some Prevagen too, since the last year or so has really taken a toll on my memory.  I think they should do a study; not only is cancer brain real, I think it spreads to the care giver too!

I recently had Classic Vinyl tuned into my delivery van and I was taken back by a song that I haven’t heard in years.  Alan Parsons Project, “Games People Play” really spoke to me that day.  My research shows that it peaked at #16 in March of 1981 on the Billboard Hot 100 chart.  Back when my biggest worry was probably finding prom dress or something critical like that.  Long before I could even dream of growing old.  Now I feel like it’s my anthem.  “Where do we go from here, now that all of the children are growin’ up?  And how do we spend our lives, if there’s no one to lend us a hand?  I don’t wanna live here no more, I don’t wanna stay.  Ain’t gonna spend the rest of my life quietly fading away.” Funny how a song that meant little to nothing to me 40 some years ago pretty sums up my current state of affairs. 

Where do we go from here?  Post-cancer and entering retirement.  Scott’s path has been laid out for him; like it or not.  No more farming and limited contact with plants and soils for the rest of his life.  Yet he’s so thankful to be feeling good that he’s adjusting very well.  Things look so different than what we imagined; while some doors have closed, many are yet to be opened.  When I met him, we both knew it meant living on or near the farm forever.  Yet now, does it?

Now that all of the children are growin’ up – we have four amazing kids that have found their life partners and are beginning their lives together.  We just welcomed our first grandson into the world and are so excited to be able to watch him grow.  Between COVID and Ann Arbor, our little River (now almost two) has grown so fast and we have missed much more than we would have liked.  The joy of having a new baby also reminds us of baby Rose that we never got the chance to know.  Saturday we were blessed to be able to have Scott’s mom and kids here for the afternoon to take turns loving on the new little one. 

And how do we spend our lives? They say that when you’re retired you wonder how you had time to work.  I hope that’s true because you know I can’t sit still and Scott isn’t much better.  He is loving his time in the pole barn with his wood crafts and just socializing one on one.  Knowing I won’t be able to give up Quickbooks cold turkey, I’ve agreed to help with the farm books.   After forty years of posting and reconciling; I am not ready to give up crunching numbers.  It will require figuring out the on-line version, it will be a good for me to keep evolving with the times, albeit begrudgingly.  If that’s not enough to keep me busy, I already have leads on two jobs I might like on a part-time basis.    

If there’s no one to lend us a hand?  This one might be the only line that doesn’t hold true. I think any small farm town you live in there are people that will lend you a hand.  While Scott and his siblings don’t all chat on a daily basis or anything they are sure to rally when one of them is in need or time of crisis.  Not to mention our neighbors that have done so much to help us over the last year.  Around here, they really do take care of their own. 

Once the store is sold, maybe I don’t wanna live here no more.  Will we eventually want to be closer to our grandchildren so we can attend all their activities?  Move closer to all our friends and enjoy golf and pool parties and potlucks?  Live on a lake?  It feels like every weekend we are driving over an hour to take part in birthday parties and celebrations.  That kinda takes the fun out of it.  I don’t want to stay in a town where I don’t have close friends and don’t feel like I have people near me that can meet up for lunch or an impromptu outing.  It’s really not enough that everyone is kind and friendly and the neighbors are helpful if you don’t feel close to anyone.    

Ain’t gonna spend the rest of my life quietly fading away.  It goes without saying if you know me at all.  I can’t wait to see what opportunities present themselves once I have the store behind me.  I trust that something meaningful and rewarding will find its way to me.  We have a healthy bucket list but there will be times where daily life is all that’s on the agenda; and what will that look like?  I might not even want to commit to part-time work if it means I have to keep a regular schedule.   Whatever it is, it will have to be rewarding.  After more than 30 years of helping people in a professional setting, it’s hard to give up.  Even the store has been about helping people, just in a different way.  Not to mention a year of taking care of my cowboy. 

I watched the movie with Tom Hanks called “Otto” the other night.  It was a little depressing and very predictable but was the story of a man who had lost his spouse and then was forced into retirement.  He literally didn’t want to stay; not only in the home that he had shared with the love of his life but “here”.  I’m afraid that probably happens more than we want to know.

While neither of us ever expected to retire at all, let alone early, it seems to be God’s plan for us.  We impatiently wait for word that the buyer’s financing for the store is fully secured and a closing is being scheduled.  Keeping things going while we wait is very stressful but nothing compares to what we were dealing with a year ago.  Time certainly has a way of healing.  Not just our bodies, but our minds.  Allowing us to look back and think that even the worst of times weren’t all that bad now that they are in the rear-view mirror.    

It turns out that this same song was part of the album “The Turn of a Friendly Card”.  I’m going to think of that as just another sign that after the rough patch that we’ve had that we are moving into a new improved phase where we will make the best of the hand we are dealt.   Check out the symphonic version of that song on YouTube – it’s pretty awesome!